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Edition #5
Growth and Power
Namal Siddiqui


I am trying to write but I keep erasing words,
dissatisfied with the way I tell the story 
after all this time. I hate that the story 
begins with the banal, the timeworn —
that anguished word 'trying'. 


I am trying to find my bearings. 

I am trying to hold myself again. 

I am trying to avoid relapse. 

Relapse is an unusual word to write
in a verse. It is so mechanical, so
terrible, so unexpected because you 
believe you’re fine, you are riding
the turf of life.


I am trying not to make the same mistakes. 

I am trying not to fall for the same traps. 

I am trying not to be so vehemently bitter again.

Vehemently. So poisonous a word. So
relentless. I am trying to be relentless. 

I am trying not to lose (it) and I am trying not
to let go. I am trying to make sense out of 
life as a human turned metamorph.


I am trying to unfold maybe like a petal.

I am trying God knows if a God exists. 

I am trying to be the bud that becomes the flower.

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